Well, we lost 3 out of our 4 chickens this past week.
I had been deciding how to put this out into the blogosphere. I mean, it sounds pretty lame, right? Like, we get it, you live in the country, it's bound to happen. It's the circle of life hunny, better accept it now before things get legitimately tough.
But I realized it has so much more to do than just the loss off free eggs. It's the failure. I failed to keep those that are under my care, safe. I failed that one, lonely chick who is now so lost. I failed my husband, I failed me, and worst of all.....I failed my dreams.
You see, I have this utterly ridiculous picture in my head of what I need and want to be. I call her my "Frontier Woman" alternate ego. It's that I need to be able to do this all on my own. I mean, those women did it. They were out in the middle of nowhere with no help, up at dawn, making all the meals from sctratch, tending the garden, caring for children, feeding the animals, helping the husband, butchering the chickens, and most likely pregnant AND doing all this at some points in time.
Amazing.
And I think more so than NEEDING to do it alone, it's that I have to. Sure, I'm blessed to live in an area where this lifestyle is common, but it's still a fight to do it. I have family around, but its not their life. Its not how they want to live. There are so many other things going on in life, that this just can't BE life.
So maybe it's not the being alone I relate with, maybe it's the fight. And who wants to fail the fight?
Well, there you go. I'm not sure I even grasp it all (and I was kinda all over the place), but it's just another glimpse into my commitment to make this work.
I'm sorry you lost your chooks. We had one die last month, and it is a bummer. But, you know what? Grandma Jo lost her entire flock to foxes a few years ago, and she's been doing this longer than any of us have even been alive! You're doing an amazing job, and you'll keep learning and growing just like we all are!
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