Homemade laundry detergent!

If you are a "home economist" and have yet to delve into the world of homemade laundry detergent, you are missing out. I find it a basic for all in the homemade world, whether it be for the penny pinchers, chemical avoiders, or the environmentally conscience.

I have used this recipe for well over a year now for everything from diapers to delicates. I simply can not tell a difference between this and any store bought I've used. Grant it, we have VERY hard water, which often leads me to wonder if I'm not doomed from the start.

First off, here is a link for the recipe. (Rumor has it this is Mrs Duggar's recipe)
 http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/laundrysoap.htm

Ok, ingredients.
1) Washing Soda
2) Borax
3) Ivory Soap bar
4) Water

(Really, that large measuring bowl isn't a need) First, I just grade the ivory soap bar with a cheese grader into my pot.

  and add the first 6 cups water. Heat until soap melts. Then add the 1/2 cup Borax and 1/2 cup Washing Soda. Heat and stir until melted. ***After much experimentation, I do believe that the amount of "noodleness" you get at the end depends on how fast you heat the soaps. Faster=more noodles. Slower=less noddles. But then, I could be crazy***

Ok, so you have the soap mixture. Next, pour 4 cups of hot water into your bucket and add the soap mixture and stir. Next, add 1 gallon and 6 cups of water and stir. (Or, 22 cups)

And then, after letting it sit for 24 hours, you should have something noodley and gelly, resembling THIS:

Storage: Really, its up to you. I've heard some moms leave it in the bucket, for me, I store it in glass bottles I saved from milk.

Use about a 1/2 cup per load and REMEMBER>>> HOMEMADE SOAPS DO NOT SUDS UP. No. Bubbles. Bubbles are merely from the chemicals in cleaners made to make us think that is what is doing the cleaning. LIES!!
Also, depending on what I am washing, I add different stuff to the load. Diapers, I usually add Calgon or vinegar. Clothes, vinegar. It's constant experimenting with our water to keep our whites white, colors the same color, and diapers..well...who likes a stinky, leaking diaper?

Anyway...happy laundering!!

Through Tired, Red Eyes.

"If I should say, "My foot has slipped," Your loving kindness, O Lord, will hold me up." Psalms 94:18

Well, this wasn't just "one of those days". No. This was THE day. This was one of those days that I wish I could just wipe my miserable existence off this planet. It's just not how a human, nay, a child of God, should act. My anxiety and my temper not only got the better of me, they controlled me. And It. Was. Ugly. I was ugly.

I would like to start of by saying (not as an excuse, but fact) that whatever type of hormones go on with having a girl, it is horrific. I feel like a hormonal, 16 year old girl to the most extreme levels. The amount of emotions that I am constantly having to contain is unreal, folks.

Today was our trip to Marine World. This was a big day. We've never been in a situation financially to do extra stuff. We've also never had jobs where it's easy to take a day off. So to finally be able to do something with our 2.5 year old was just to exciting. Especially when it is something we knew he would just LOVE. (hello elephants) so we (my parents, T and I, as we were meeting Mr. G) leave a little before nap time so T can have a good nap and feel refreshed for his first big adventure.

Well circumstances happen and after only a 30 minute nap with an hour left in the trip, he wakes up. I try my best to remain calm and beg through my tears for him to please please please go back to sleep.

My child has never gone back to sleep once he awakens. Never. And so he didn't.

By the time we met up at Mr. G's apartment, I was holding so much anger and resentment in toward the situation that all I could think was "I need a pillow. I need to scream". Just get it out and move along with the day. Well after a series of yet even more bothersome circumstances, that didn't happen either, so here I am standing in a parking lot, screaming out of frustration. *My mother claims I drew attention from the neighbors and was "making a scene". I never turned to find out.*
I've had this type of reaction before. It is like an out of body experience, and not in a good way. I can see myself lashing out so horribly and no matter how my mind battles itself, I Just. Can't. Stop.
 
Ok... so now we are finally loaded up in the car again and on the last leg of the journey. I've had my moment and although the air was feeling a mite awkward, we were all trying to move on. So we get there and eat and after getting separated and meeting up again, it just hits me. I'm angry. I'm anxious. T is beyond exhausted and it's only just started. So as we are standing in line to ride the elephants, the most important part of the day, I snap. It's like a switch. I can't bring myself to see past the red and my own expectations. The week of mental preparedness for this day goes through my head. Why couldn't it of just gone right? This scene was much quiter than the last. But more deadly. Deadly to the spirit of joy. Deadly to my son's and husband's excitement. Deadly to my soul. I take a moment and walk out of the line. I stand there to the side and battle myself. I know this is completely and utterly ridiculous and I need to get this under control. I am better than this. Better than this sin and its hold on me. Better than my pride. I need to be better than it, if not for me, for my son. To be the Godly mother I am called to be.

I almost didn't go on the elephant. I'm so stubborn like that. But I did and thank God.

Afterwards there were some frustrated words exchanged between my mother and I. Again, I removed myself from the group and just had to walk alone, reminding myself of how fun the elephant ride was and how that could be the rest of the day. I watched my son thrive through his tired red eyes, and wondered why I couldn't simply enjoy it with him. And so, I said a prayer, and it was gone. Replaced with the peace I so desperately seek after.

 I'm happy to say the rest of the day was a wonderful time filled with dancing dolphins, surprise rain showers, and lots and lots of train rides.

And yet, in leaving, the guilt rush happened. Me, in tears, walking with my mother and being so upset over almost ruining that elephant ride. My mother reminded me it is always so much harder to forgive yourself. But so necessary.

I still feel sick to my stomach over how worldly sins can have such a hold me. Even more so because I try SO hard to fight. I don't sit and let it happen. I recognize it and try my best to press through it. Yet somehow, I lose. And more so than being tired of the fight, I'm tired of losing.

So here I am, bearing my darkest moments. The embarrassing moments when I'm not the mother, wife, or daughter I want and strive to be.

Failure and the Frontier Woman

Well, we lost 3 out of our 4 chickens this past week.

I had been deciding how to put this out into the blogosphere. I mean, it sounds pretty lame, right? Like, we get it, you live in the country, it's bound to happen. It's the circle of life hunny, better accept it now before things get legitimately tough.

But I realized it has so much more to do than just the loss off free eggs. It's the failure. I failed to keep those that are under my care, safe. I failed that one, lonely chick who is now so lost. I failed my husband, I failed me, and worst of all.....I failed my dreams.

You see, I have this utterly ridiculous picture in my head of what I need and want to be. I call her my "Frontier Woman" alternate ego. It's that I need to be able to do this all on my own. I mean, those women did it. They were out in the middle of nowhere with no help, up at dawn, making all the meals from sctratch, tending the garden, caring for children, feeding the animals, helping the husband, butchering the chickens, and most likely pregnant AND doing all this at some points in time.

Amazing.

And I think more so than NEEDING to do it alone, it's that I have to. Sure, I'm blessed to live in an area where this lifestyle is common, but it's still a fight to do it. I have family around, but its not their life. Its not how they want to live. There are so many other things going on in life, that this just can't BE life.

So maybe it's not the being alone I relate with, maybe it's the fight. And who wants to fail the fight?

Well, there you go. I'm not sure I even grasp it all (and I was kinda all over the place), but it's just another glimpse into my commitment to make this work.